love life...

mxo

Perspective

Today was a sh*t sandwich kind of a day.

I cried... a lot. I b*tched and moaned. I bailed on one of my best friends. It wasn't pretty.


But then the universe sent me this little nugget of wisdom:

"be thankful for what's right rather than complaining about what's wrong"

And this.

And this.

Trust me, I know it's hard to see the forest for the trees when you're in the muddy thick of it, but I promise you, there is a forest.

The universe has your back. Oh yes, and this: if not this, than something better.

Much love!
mxo

beautiful messiness

August hit hard, so hard that it the reset button on my life. I turned 28 and a few things happened to remind me just how fleeting life really is. 

I've also started to really truly accept that life is supposed to be messy. 

My pops and I...

Somewhere along the way, many of learned/ decided/ started believing that:

• life is supposed to be neat and tidy, and
• if I only do x, or stop doing y, my life will finally be neat and orderly, and I'll be happy.

Until a few days ago, I completely subscribed to all of the above. This whole blog has been based on these ideas - if I only do more yoga, eat less gluten, run more frequently, save more money, etc, I'll find the missing puzzle piece and then I'll be happy. All of this assumed that I wasn't happy and couldn't be happy all along.

I've recently realized that that kind of thinking more often than not leads to anxiety, burn out, and generally missing the beautiful messiness that is life.

Now, after all that August was, I've been mulling this over instead:

"We think we're supposed to figure out how life should be, and then make it that way... How did we come up with the notion that life is not okay just the way it is, or that it won't be okay the way it will be? Who said that the way life naturally unfolds is not all right?"

                        ~ the untethered soul

mxo

have a ball...

More and more, I'm realizing this absolutely true:

 

Happy birthday, Lucille darling!

mxo

it's in the details...

Boy, oh boy. What an interesting two weeks it has been!

I spent a day in the hospital, and several days miserably getting ready - everything is fine, I assure you. But there's nothing quite like lying in a hospital bed, in a rump-exposing hideous gown, connected to some ghastly IV to make you really think about life.... regardless of how routine the entire ordeal may be.

So that's where I was this past week, really thinking about life. 

And here's what I've realized: happiness doesn't have to come from grandiose sweeping changes. Happiness is often in the details, in the small day-to-day things we often take for granted. 

If you let yourself look, you'll often see it there. :)

So today I wrote a list of the small things that make me happy, the things I will do more of:

• More yoga.
• More dinner dates and wine parties.
• More pretty clothes and painted nails.
• More (much more) chocolate.
• More guilt-free sleep-in days.
• More reading and movie watching.
• More tea and coffee dates.
• More dresses and sparkly shoes.
• More magazines and art.
• More time with inspiring friends.
• More yummy, delicious food. 
• More fun!

What's on your happy list?

As for Thrifty Thursday, today I painted my own toes (horribly) as opposed to getting a pedicure. I also put off getting those gorgeous spring shoes until... well... probably tomorrow. :) But seriously, I watched No Impact Man yesterday. I'll write about it next week...

Hope you've had a lovely week!

I missed you.

Happy tumbles and stumbles!

mxo

doing the work: coming clean...

"Until you learn to heal the wounds of your past, 

you will continue to bleed into the future."

~ Iyanla Vanzant

Oh boy! What a busy week it's been. Busy, but amazing. 

During my dinner date with one of my very best friends, I realized that despite knowing her for almost 10 years, she didn't, until Friday, know a big part about me.  

Then I realized that perhaps few people do... and really, that's just silly. It's time to share.

Here goes...

Last year, I wrote about the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

There are a lot of chapters to each of our stories. An eating disorder is one of mine.

Like for many, junior high was essentially torture for me. I had gained a few pounds before I started grade seven, as many preteen girls do; that chubbiness, combined with my enrollment in the full time "gifted" program (an odd social experiment), essentially made me the perfect target for prepubescent torture (oh yes, I also went to band camp).

I dealt with it as I knew best - I threw myself into sports and, at the tender age of 12, I started my first diet. 

By the end of my first year of junior high, I had dwindled to a tiny size and the interventions began. I had anorexia.

Interestingly, I have blocked out most of the memories around this topic. All I know is that while I managed to heal the anorexia, my distorted and unhealthy body image has plagued me until today. In my twenties, I developed a new coping mechanism: at times pushing myself too far with exercise and always dissecting every morsel that went into my mouth. I became a pro at setting myself up for failure and beating myself up for it. Not surprisingly, I made myself physically sick.

I'm sharing this (long) story for two reasons:

• While doing my homework, I have realized that the very first step to moving forward is to evaluate where you're starting.It's essential to come clean.  

• The very act of coming clean can help others tremendously, even if it's just to know that they are not alone. That's the main point of this blog, after all: to share my journey so that it may, in whatever small way, help someone else.

Phew! What a long post! As always, thanks for reading... and happy Sunday!

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

mxo

P.S. I've moved Sabbath Sunday to Sabbath Friday/ Saturday for the next little while. I'll explain later. :)

wednesday tidbit...

 

exactly.

mxo

doing the work: the living of life

When I set my mind to something, I want results and I want them now. Better yet, I want them yesterday. And I want them to be extraordinary.

When I picked up yoga again a few years ago, I wanted to do a headstand immediately.

When I started running, I wanted to run a half marathon without any training.

When I started eating well, I wanted to have glowing skin and boundless energy after my first green juice.

But here's what I've learned after a week of doing my homework: it doesn't work like that. What's more, when we are so focused on the results - awaiting that glorious moment when everything will click into place - we miss out on what might actually make it all click: the living of life.

Here's an excerpt from Geneen Roth's "Why Weight" which REALLY struck a chord this week:

I have a friend, someone I love very much, who has spent the last few years either traveling around the world or in meditation retreats. In four years, she's worked for six months, and those months were spent making enough money to leave. She reminds me of the participants in workshops who keep looking for the answer, keep waiting for the click, and all the while, miss what could be producing it for them: the living of life. Waking up, dreaming, laughing, fighting, loving, crying, sweating, sleeping - and noticing. The boredom, the sadness, the rage, hate, joy, the hunger of being alive. Notice it all. The ordinary happenings of a day.

This friend of mine keeps opting for the extraordinary in just the way we keep waiting for the magic. We keep thinking something is going to happen that will make it all make sense. And when it doesn't, my friend goes on another retreat or flies to somewhere else in the world. Just as she does, we wait. We wait.

"When is the little thing going to click that will make it all change?"

The answer is that there is no click. Or the answer is that the click is now, here. If you value the experience of getting there instead of the result of being there, one moment is just as good as the next. Learning about your hunger, tasting a raisin as if it were the first you ever ate, stopping when you are satisfied, not stopping and noticing how you feel, it's all part of the process of waking up to being alive.

Precisely.

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

mxo

courage and coco...

This is what last night looked like:

• Comfy pants
• Organic red wine
• Dark chocolate
• Charlie (my cat) and I on the couch...
• Watching We Bought a Zoo.

It was perfect. 

I'll admit, I chose the movie because Matt Damon was in it (he's dreamy), but it ended up being so very sweet and even better, inspiring!

I picked up one very important life lesson from the flick:

"All you need is just 20 seconds of insane courage 

and I promise you, amazing things will happen."

What would life be like if you infused every single day with just 20 seconds of insane courage... :)

It's a rainy spring Saturday in Toronto, perfect for staying home and taking care of some outstanding to dos.

It's also perfect for making coconut protein bliss bites!

Ingredients:

MIA: one date... because I ate it. :)

• 1 cup walnuts
• 1/2 cup flavoured protein powder (I used vanilla Sunwarrior, my fav)
• 1/2 cup grated coconut (sulfite-free), reserve half
• 8-10 soft medjol dates, pits removed
• 1 tbsp chia seeds
• 1 tsp pure organic vanilla extract
• Optional: 1 tbsp nut butter (if your mixture is dry, you can use some nut butter to help bind everything)

Method:

Place all ingredients (but only half of the coconut) into a food processor and blend until small pebbles form. Roll into balls and roll balls in remaining coconut. Refrigerate. Makes approximately 10-15 bite-sized balls.

Perfectly delicious snack for the mid-afternoon munchies! Enjoy.

Happy Saturday of tumbling & stumbling!

mxo

It's just 24 hours...

So I'm cheating today. 

I am taking a few hours away from Sunday Sabbath to take care of some admin matters (like my taxes... zoinks!) which means I'm fully, 100% plugged into all technology... and I regret it already.

It seems this whole business of unplugging is very chic these days! 

Look, Leelee Sobieski is doing it!

From the May issue of O

This really stuck with me:

"When I had a daughter, Louisanna, two and a half years ago, I started recording every funny or sweet thing she said or did on my phone. But on one of our unplugged days, I realized I'd been so focused on capturing those moments that I hadn't been feeling them. I'd missed opportunities to connect with my daughter because my face was always hidden behind my cell phone... I need to let this moment exist. I don't have to capture everything. I just want to experience it."

Less capturing, more experiencing. With that, I'm signing off.

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

mxo

shake your tush!

"Of diet, meditation, and exercise, which do you think is the most important for a vibrant God pod glow? 

Whichever one you're not doing. Zoinks!"  the lovely Kris Carr

Zoinks indeed! That's all. :)

Happy fitness Friday... the 13th!

 

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

mxo

Crazy Sexy Week

I disappeared again - sorry about that!

Here's what happened in the last week, in rough chronological order:

1. I had a physical and emotional breakdown over Easter.
2. I got so frustrated with my dismal state that I decided to take my health and happiness into my own hands. 
3. I started a mostly raw, very green cleanse (inspired by one of my role models, Kris Carr).
4. I had a follow-up session with Joy McCarthy (read about my first session here).

1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = the perfect reset at the perfect time, and the start of a new direction.

What I have known intuitively for awhile, and what Joy confirmed today, is that I need to focus less on dietary restrictions and labels (raw foodist, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, etc), and instead focus more on my emotional health, especially when it comes to food. 

So many of us desperately cling to diet after diet, food trend after food trend, and we do "all of the right things", but we continue to suffer. What we often ignore is all of the other toxic aspects of our lives: jobs we might hate, bad relationships, maxed out schedules, etc. 

Here's what I've realized recently: health and happiness are holistic. We each have a perfect blend of where we need to be mentally, physically and spiritually to be happy and healthy. But you can't be happy or healthy if one of these elements is drastically off balance. You can take all of right supplements and eat all of the right superfoods, but if you're not addressing the other elephants in the room, you're not going to get very far.

I believe the key pillars to health are:

1. Nutrition - are you eating foods that truly nourish your body and enrich your soul? how is your relationship with food?
2. Exercise - are you moving your tush every day? are you pushing yourself too hard?
3. Stress - what are you doing to curb stress in your life?
4. Sleep - are you sleeping a solid 7-8 uninterrupted hours each night?
5. Job - do you like what you do? are you stressed about your finances?
6. Relationships - do each of your relationships support you? are there toxic relationships you can let go of?

While each needs to be addressed, it can be overwhelming to tackle everything at once! In the spirit of breaking things down into manageable pieces, start with the one pillar you know is the most off balance.  Personally, I'm going to attempt to tackle my guilt-ridden, misguided relationship with food.

So here's what I propose (for me): I'm throwing out all rules, labels, and 30-day challenges that I've set for myself (because they didn't come from healthy places). Instead, I will listen to my body, provide it with the nourishment it most desires, and I will try to enjoy every single morsel. Generally, I'm going to start being good to myself holistically.... oh yes, and I'll share my journey with you!  

The road may be bumpy but I'm not afraid of a little hard work! 

What do you most need to do right now, what one step can you take to steer you towards your most perfectly happy and healthy self?

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

xo

P.S. Phew! What a long post! Oops... :)