january: nourishment

Canadian Januarys are typically very tough months. It's cold. It's grey. It's otherwise miserable and there is no relief in sight. As a result, most of us are miserable.

And with this kind of weather, who wouldn't be?

Snapped a few years ago just outside my old house.

I certainly fall victim to the mid-winter blues. It's not the cold that bothers me, but the lack of sunshine (see above). I'm a leo - us lions need our sun. By the end of January, I tend to feel as grey as the sky outside.

But this year is going to be different! I'm going to be proactive! Since I can't make the sun come out and play, and I can't head south just yet, I'll have to find other means to take care of myself. This month is dedicated to just that: nourishment, as a preventive measure to nip the January blues in the bud!

In no particular order, here's what I commit to for January:

... to nourish my body:

• a 21-day cleanse
• 30 classes in 30 days
• spa day

... to nourish my mind:

• meditate (that's right, it's back on the list)
• read nourishing things

... to nourish my soul:

• watch good movies
• be my own epicure

This might very well be my most hedonistic month, but that's just fine with me! After all, "hedonism" stems from the Greek "Hēdonē (Ἡδονή) ", the Greek name for Volupas, the beautiful goddess of pleasure. There are worse things in life than being a beautiful goddess. ;)

mxo

P.S. I do not recommend googling for images of hedone or volupas... can't say I was prepared for that!

P.P.S. HAPPPPPPPY NEW YEAR!!! :)

check-in time!

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness! How ever did it get to be the end of December?! It seems like the holidays disappeared after just one blink. I hope you all had the most merry of hollies!

The end of December can only mean one thing for this delinquent blogger: it's check-in time! I (thankfully) kept my resolutions very simple for December:

Friends and family, seeing as much of both as absolutely possible,

and really being there in the moment with them.

... and I can happily say that I fulfilled this one as much as I possibly could.

There were martinis and fancy dinners, yoga dates and holiday parties, chats over coffee and lovely brunches... it was amazing. After so much time running around, I finally got to reconnect with all of the people I love so very much.

... but...

Somewhere in all of that fun, I fell a little off kilter. I started to feel a little flighty and completely disorganized. I kept up with the yoga but abandoned any sort of healthy diet. I forgot how to sleep, eat, and otherwise take care of myself. I suppose even too much of a good thing is... well... too much.

So, after a month of fun and a little wobbliness, I have learned two very important me-isms:

1. I need some Maya-only time to feel centred. Even if it's deathly boring, I need to be on my own to recharge my batteries. I guess Myers-Briggs was right, I am an introvert after all.
2. I have an absolutely amazing support system - amazing friends, a loving family... really, what more could I girl want?!

For these insights, I am unbelievably grateful.

I end December with one final thought for you... actually, it's more of a request: before the year is out, please tell at least one person in your life just how much you love them, just how much you're grateful they are in your life, and just how much you'd miss them if they went. Because that's the thing, tomorrow has yet to be written and we really have no idea who will be around to help us fill that page.

Okay lovelies, it's movie night! I must go!

mxo

That's me on the far right, happy as can be!

truths...

Maya truth number one: I am fiercely competitive. I mean fiercely. To this day, I remember with pain the day our test scores were announced in grade 8 science and my best friend dethroned me from my usual top spot by 0.5%. I cried when I got home (over a 97% or something equally ridiculous). To this day, I also remember how amazing it felt to be placed on stage in front of my entire graduating class to be told I was the most accomplished student. I love to win, hate to lose, and have to work daily at not treating life as one big competition (I'm also apparently a huge nerd).

Maya truth number two: I have had the bittersweet (mostly incredibly sweet) fortune of being surrounded by some of the world's most amazing people. Among my nearest and dearest are people who are incredibly accomplished, inspiring, beautiful, intelligent, funny, passionate, driven, and otherwise absolutely amazing. What better test for someone who is attempting to fix her competitive character than incredible competition every single day of the week.

The combination of my first and second truths has led to my third, very private truth: I am painfully insecure. When I don't actively work on it, when I get too stressed and carried away, I turn all of that amazingness around me into a deep-seated inferiority complex. After much time of actively working on myself, this is getting better but I still have days like today when I feel like it's me against the world and I've lost before I've even started.

... but then, after too many stupid tears, I realized this very important fact...

This is a terrible way to look at life. Terrible. There will always be people who are "better" and "worse" if that's how you choose to look at it; this type of competition is an absolutely fruitless game. It will never, ever end...

... hmmm....

Out of all of this has come my forth, brand new truth: all I can strive for is being the best version of me, accordingly solely to my standards, because when you're living the truest version of yourself, you've won... and the game completely falls away.

So tonight, this 19th of December, 2010, I am putting all of this out there so that I can finally move on.

Next chapter: allowing the amazingness around me to inspire me.... :)

Thanks for being amazing... namaste!

mxo

happy ho hos!

This is why December is my most favourite month of the year:

Friends, friends, bestest friends!

I'll admit, after two Christmas parties this weekend, I am absolutely exhausted... but I'm also happy as can be. This is what life is about. :)

Hope everyone is having a happy, happy holiday season!

mxo

change...

"Change. Sometimes it sneaks up on you. Sometimes it hits you over the head. And sometimes you turn a corner, only to find you're different in some small way, and the world doesn't look quite like it used to. "

~Being Erica

Yesterday I actually uttered the words, "I love my life". I believe it was actually, "I love my life sooooo much." My yoga practice has been really coming along, I was riding the high of being named employee of the year, I had just had lunch with a lovely friend, a yoga opportunity had presented itself, my wedding plans were coming along nicely, and I was off to meet four amazing ladies for dinner and martinis. I honestly, truly loved my life. And just like that, as though I had jinxed myself, it started to crumble. I went to bed in tears, I woke in tears, I completely and totally stumbled through the beginning of my day wondering if everything I had come to had just fallen away.

Everything about this morning was hard. It was so hard, that I couldn't quite catch my breath. But then something happened, something new and something strange. I bounced back. As I waited for the bus in the cold, almost-dark evening, I realized that no matter what difficulties might come, I have built a core in myself that is unshakable. The crap will come and it will go, but what's inside remains strong and rooted, like a tree. I caught my breath, and immediately got to work on sorting out the difficulties I faced. At least for today, I passed the test.

Here's why I'm sharing this with you: I have only recently reached this point and I did it on my own. Last year, I was a mess and anything small threw me off for days. But I have worked on myself every single day for the past six months, in small but seemingly meaningful ways. Life just feels different now; the world looks different. It's all a choice we can make...

... and action we can take...

... to change.

I hope that you are staying warm!

Namaste,

mxo

P.S. For those of you who watch Being Erica, you will undoubtedly notice the resemblance of my post to last night's episode. I swear, it's completely and entirely coincidental (although I do sometimes think the writers might as well be following me around). I didn't watch the episode until just now... and it gave me chills! :)

saturday!

Here's where I will be on Saturday morning:

One Love Toronto's First Annual

108 Sun Salutation Fundraiser

One Cause

100% of donations support the Global Seva Challenge of Off the Mat, Into the World, whose 2010 efforts will directly support grass roots organizations in South Africa, where approximately 6 million people are living with HIV/AIDS, and vast numbers of children are being orphaned due to parents dying from AIDS.

Will you be there too? I hope so!

mxo

december: FRIENDS & FAMILY

Oh my goodness, it's December! Where, oh where, did this year go?! :)

A new month means a new slate of resolutions...

... but first, I have to share a little secret with you...

December is actually my most favourite month of the year... shhh. Sure, it is a month of torturously spending far too much money while trying to avoid getting trampled to death by panicked, last-minute shoppers. Sure, there is usually far too much to do, too many people to see, and too much fruitcake to eat. Sure, sure, sure... BUT it's also a month of celebrating with family and friends. It's the month for pretty decorations on the streets. It's about chocolates and eggnog, and National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation!! It's the first true month of winter, when we're all still excited about the snow and not grunting miserably at each other every time it falls. It's also a month to reflect on the past year and let it all go - the good, the bad, the ugly... whatever 2010 brought disappears at midnight on December 31st and we start with a blank slate (at least we can). Yes, it's my absolute favourite month of the year and I look forward to it all year long.

With all of that said, this fifth month of my happy, healthy project will be a little different from the last few. As opposed to listing off a series of resolutions that I have to manage and keep track all month long, I am dedicating this month to one simple sentiment:

Friends and family, seeing as much of both as absolutely possible,

and really being there in the moment with them.

Happy 1st of December, my most favourite of favourite months! :)

A little outdated, but oh so fitting! ;)

mxo

rainy tuesday thoughts...

sunday sabbath

"Imagine a spinning top. Stillness is like a perfectly centred top, spinning so fast it appears motionless. It appears this way not because it isn't moving, but because it is spinning at full speed."

~ Erich Schiffmann

The trees are bare. It's grey and snowing. The holiday decorations are out and the stores are buzzing. That can only mean it's almost December... which means it is time to check in again!

November was most certainly the most difficult month in terms of keeping my resolutions - overall, a D+. Sure, there was one glorious Sabbath week in Mexico - all rest, all family, all of the time - but the rest of the month was the antithesis of slow. I might as well have been a ping pong ball projected back and forth, back and forth through some infinite abyss. Eat at a table? Nope! I ate at my desk 90% of the time. Take a lunch break four times a week? Nope! Most days I would completely forget to even take a 10-minute leg stretcher. Nope, nope, nope....

... but that's okay, because despite my abysmal performance this month, I learned some mighty important lessons.

Lesson One: tempo giusto

Slow isn't for everyone. It definitely isn't for me. I feel a lot more Maya-like when I'm operating at a faster, busier speed, especially when that speed is a result of things I enjoy. Last year, I had a lot more time on my hands. My evenings and weekends were, for the most part, free. And I hated it. I was bored, unmotivated, watched too much TV, etc. Some people however, thrive on slow. My dad, for example, has completely and entirely mastered il dolce far niente (the sweetness of doing nothing). He can spend hours doing, well, nothing at all and loving every minute of it. But not me. Although I am absolutely exhausted when I hit the pillow every night, I feel like I am getting the most out of each and every day. I haven't quite found my tempo giusto yet, but I know that it lies somewhere closer to busy town.

Lesson Two: sabbath

Even though I thrive on busy, I absolutely, without a doubt, need a weekly Sabbath... and I suspect so do most people. Sabbath is so essential to my well being, that my body will force it on me when I forget to plan it into my week. And it makes sense. You can't drive a car without eventually needing to stop and refuel. Lesson learned. No more Sunday to-dos. I woke up this morning, politely cancelled all of my plans, and am happily spending every moment in sweat pants. Amazing.

So, on this cloudy, cold November Sunday, let yourself snuggle up in comfy clothes, completely forego the to-do list, and refuel... that is, unless you'd rather pack the day from beginning to end. Whatever you do, just try to live according to your tempo giusto today. :)

Thanks for the patient wait... I missed you!

mxo

one breath at a time...

Holy moly! Delinquent blogger here!

Let me explain my absence:

That's me!

Last week, I put my crazy little life on hold and headed to Mexico. After a few twitchy days - it's hard to know how to do absolutely nothing when you're used to doing way toooooo much - I settled in and let every cell of my body relax. Completely. Fully. Relax.

It was wonderful....

... except for one wee problem.

The vacation completely threw me off my nutty, nutty pace and I have struggled to get back. After three 16-hour days, I prepared for bed yesterday near tears.

Here's how the bedside conversation went:

me: There always seems to be so much to do.

hubby-to-be (htb): What do you mean?

me: My to-do list just grows and grows and grows. It never seems to be disappear.

htb: That's life, babe.

me: But it's so exhausting. It's wearing me out.

htb: Sure, if you let it. There will always be things to do, but you don't have to do them all at once.

LIGHTBULB! I realized that the pressure and speed was largely self-imposed. Sure, there are things to do. There always will be things to do. But how many of those things really need to be done? What's really important? What can wait? What can you let go of completely? It's seems that if you ever feel like I did last night, when you can't breathe because you have so much to do and just the thought of it stresses you out, simply slow down and prioritize. One breath at a time.

With that thought, I took a deep breath and mentally crossed off (or at least delayed) a third of my self-imposed to-do list. I turned over and fell asleep thinking about how much I love my wise htb.

So tonight, before you turn over and fall asleep, give yourself permission to give up one item on your life's to-do list... without guilt.

Namaste,

mxo

yoga pose of the week: triangle

And then there are days like this...

... days when you wake up rested, content, and knowing exactly what you need to do.

... days when the subway is remarkably empty at the exact same time it was ridiculously full yesterday.

... days when it's beautifully sunny and crisp outside.

... days when it really doesn't matter what anyone's issues are at work. They are theirs and theirs alone.

... days when you "end" the day with five hours of yoga.

... days when the world just makes sense.

... and you come home exhausted but elated.

So I owe all of you a yoga pose. I've been a tad tardy on this front (ironic really, given what I'm so absorbed in these days). But it happens. Life is life, and all you can do is move forward.

On that note, we're moving sideways this week, all the way into triangle!

This here is triangle (or trikonasana):

(Thanks Yoga Journal!)

Basically, while pretending you're squeezed between two panes of glass, you push one hip out and stretch all the way to the other side. When you've reached your limit, you windmill your arms (on resting on your shin or thigh, the other stretching for the sky), hold and breathe. Shoulders stack. Ribs stack. Length, length, length.

Triangle is great for stretching and strengthening your legs, stimulating the digestive organs, stretching your shoulders and chest, strengthening the muscles around your spinal column, etc, etc. It's also supposedly great for relieving stress and anxiety.

I personally have a love/ hate relationship with triangle. I have a hard time not crunching my side, keeping my ribs and bum tucked in, and figuring out where to look... sometimes it's an outright mess. But tonight, after two hours of just triangle (thanks universe!), I think I got it (really, thanks universe!) It's not that I perfected where my shoulders, ribs, hips, head, etc are in relation to each other - I still have a long way to go. Instead, the yoga lightbulb that went off tonight was simply this: give up attempting perfection and listen to your body. It knows best. When I gave up forcing my perfect triangle, I performed my best one to date.

There are many more lessons that come with practicing yoga than just how body parts must be aligned. It can't help but seep into everything else. But more on that later...

It's late. Time for bed.

Thanks for stopping by! :)

mxo

setbacks...

And then there are days like this...

... days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed and it spirals from there.

... days when you get shoved and pushed, and yelled at on the subway.

... days when it's dark and dreary outside... and cold, very cold.

... days when your coworkers pull you in every which direction until you almost rip apart.

... days when you skip what you love with every core of your being because you're too upset.

... days when nothing terribly horrible happens but still the world feels all sorts of wrong.

... days when all you can do when you get home is cry.

Today is one of those days - a setback on an otherwise fantastic journey.

The wiser, more mature me can't help but feel as though setbacks are life's greater wisdom forcing us to stop, slow down, and reassess. Maybe there is something we haven't quite learned yet. Maybe we're not exactly on the right path yet. In my case, I know exactly what's wrong - it's the same thing that's been wrong for over a year - I just don't know how to step outside of my non-risk-taking, playing-it-safe self... at least not yet.

“It takes a lot of courage to grow up and be who you really are.” ~ e.e. cumming

november: SLOW

"There is more to life than increasing its speed."

GANDHI

We live in a world where time is money. It is a world of fast transportation, fast food, multi-tasking and one-minute bedtime stories. The implied goal always seems to be to add more to our days, to do more and to do it faster. We have forgotten how to negotiate boredom in this technology-rich, media-saturated, multi-tasking world. This would all be fine if we were all happier and healthier because of it... but we're not. "Time-sickness," as coined so poignantly by Larry Dossey in 1982, is pervading the world; we feel as though "time is getting away, that there isn't enough of it, and that you must pedal faster and faster to keep up" until you collapse in a heap of exhaustion. Even teenagers are complaining about and even dying from burn-out. Ours is certainly a world of fast people living faster and faster lives... but why?

In the last few weeks, my life has picked up such speed that I'm starting to get motion sickness. Every day and every weekend from here until Christmas (and sadly, beyond) is booked - completely, totally booked. Most of my commitments are wonderful ones - I've embarked on a very intensive yoga training certification, I'm planning a wedding, etc - but nevertheless, the speed at which I need to live my life is nauseating. I don't remember what I've read, what I've ate, whom I've seen or what I've done... and sadly, it's hard to remember the last time I spent some quality time with friends or family. It's all just a little bit... okay, a lot... too darn fast!

And then I thought...

'Do I really need to live my life at this speed? Is there another option that might be more suitable for my life?' Perhaps there isn't. Perhaps this is how I'm supposed to drive this vehicle until the next turn in the road. But as with all months before, the point is to take nothing for granted and to try everything to determine what makes me happiest and most healthy.

That said, in no particular order, here are this month's slloooooowww resolutions:

1. Reread In Praise of Slow by Carl Honore, slowly this time.
2. Eat slowly and only sitting down at a table - a desk does not count!
3. Take a lunch break four times per week.
4. Wake up earlier but don't go to work earlier.
5. Media blackout part II.
6. Meditate... every... single... day.
7. Sunday Sabbath.

A long list, I know, but a much needed one. The goal of this month is not to become a sloth or even a tortoise, though I feel that might have its advantages; instead, I hope to find my tempo giusto - my right speed.

(Source: MetroMoms)

Thanks for stopping by! Happiest of Hallowe'ens!

mxo

cozy wednesday evening ponderings...

Hi there!

Delinquent blogger here! It seems there is a direct correlation between how busy I am and how many posts there are. We'll have to remedy that!

The blistering winds and almost bare trees can only mean that time is passing and another month is almost up. With October drawing to a close, it's time to check in.

This month's focus on financials was, predictably, quite dull. I was thoroughly bored just three weeks in and passionlessly finished off the rest. But despite this month's lackluster challenges, I will admit that they were a necessary step towards the happier, healthier me I am striving for. It's not that I have more cash in my bank account on this eve before the long-awaited monthly pay day - I do - but the value of this month's challenges was in the self-awareness they afforded me. I learned A LOT about myself by reducing my consumption and even just by tracking my daily pennies. Here I thought I spend copious amounts on junk I don't need. I spend copious amounts, but on consumables instead - food, vitamins, massages, yoga, etc. With that realization, the guilt dispersed. These aren't frivolous things to me; they are part of what makes me happy and healthy. They are the little things that keep me smiling. What other reason is there to have money than to enjoy life?

So, with October's challenges almost completed, it seems I have reached the quarter mark of this narcissistic journey. What I have learned thus far?

Well...

1. Exercise is quintessential. No one wants to hear it, but exercise is the fastest, easiest, most guaranteed way to lift your spirits and keep your ticker ticking.
2. An uncluttered home is such a wonderful thing to come home to after a less than wonderful day.
3. Finance books bore me immensely.
4. Books and naps are worlds better than TV and aimlessly net surfing.
5. Giving wakes you up to all sorts of magic.

With all that said, it's absolutely true: I am so much happier and healthier than when this all started. Still a long way to go, but for now, I pause to enjoy the destinations along the way...

As always, thanks for stopping by...

Namaste!

mxo

how do you spend your money?

Here's how the average American family spends their annual cash:

(Source: Visual Economics)

And we Torontonians:

2008 AVERAGE HOUSEHOLD EXPENDITURE

Concept	Amount ($)
Personal taxes	19,365
Shelter	18,901
Transportation	10,229
Food	8,132
Personal insurance payments and pension contributions	4,254
Recreation	4,141
Household operation	3,892
Health care	2,115
Education	2,009
Tobacco products and alcoholic beverages	1,537
Source: StatCan 2009

How do you compare? Me? Not so much. I like to spend ridiculous amounts on fancy rice milk lattes and various vitamins, it seems.

After staring at these charts repeatedly for hours, I only now realize what's missing (and also missing from my monthly spending): charity!

What would the world look like if we diverted just 5% of what we make to the charity of our choice?

mxo