doing the work: coming clean...

"Until you learn to heal the wounds of your past, 

you will continue to bleed into the future."

~ Iyanla Vanzant

Oh boy! What a busy week it's been. Busy, but amazing. 

During my dinner date with one of my very best friends, I realized that despite knowing her for almost 10 years, she didn't, until Friday, know a big part about me.  

Then I realized that perhaps few people do... and really, that's just silly. It's time to share.

Here goes...

Last year, I wrote about the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

There are a lot of chapters to each of our stories. An eating disorder is one of mine.

Like for many, junior high was essentially torture for me. I had gained a few pounds before I started grade seven, as many preteen girls do; that chubbiness, combined with my enrollment in the full time "gifted" program (an odd social experiment), essentially made me the perfect target for prepubescent torture (oh yes, I also went to band camp).

I dealt with it as I knew best - I threw myself into sports and, at the tender age of 12, I started my first diet. 

By the end of my first year of junior high, I had dwindled to a tiny size and the interventions began. I had anorexia.

Interestingly, I have blocked out most of the memories around this topic. All I know is that while I managed to heal the anorexia, my distorted and unhealthy body image has plagued me until today. In my twenties, I developed a new coping mechanism: at times pushing myself too far with exercise and always dissecting every morsel that went into my mouth. I became a pro at setting myself up for failure and beating myself up for it. Not surprisingly, I made myself physically sick.

I'm sharing this (long) story for two reasons:

• While doing my homework, I have realized that the very first step to moving forward is to evaluate where you're starting.It's essential to come clean.  

• The very act of coming clean can help others tremendously, even if it's just to know that they are not alone. That's the main point of this blog, after all: to share my journey so that it may, in whatever small way, help someone else.

Phew! What a long post! As always, thanks for reading... and happy Sunday!

Happy tumbling & stumbling!

mxo

P.S. I've moved Sabbath Sunday to Sabbath Friday/ Saturday for the next little while. I'll explain later. :)